This was another mystery screening at my cinema and this was one of those rare occasions that I had absolutely no idea what it could be. I knew of the film and saw the trailer months ago but I forgot it was even coming out. Part of the Traumatic Childhood Universe (cause that is a thing apparently). The story sees Geppetto make a doll to be a friend to his grandson James but when talking to his ‘Wood Mother’ Pinocchio starts killing people who have hurt James and removing body parts so he will be a real boy. That is about the extent of the plot but you don't watch these films for the plot.
It is the kills that you watch them for an the film does well with the kills. I must confess that I did look away because whilst I dont mind a bit of gore I dont like too much and the film did go a bit too far. The dentist's death in particular was quite horrible and I looked away whilst the dentist had her teeth smashed in.
There were things that didn’t make sense. Firstly when Pinocchio goes to the gym and sees the two teachers die. Not only did the death make me feel like I was watching a scene from Final Destination, but the deaths are never mentioned at any point during the film so it is like they never happened. Also at the end, the house is burning and we don't see the fire brigade or the police but just hear a siren so there is no real fallout from the situation. The film just ends.
To be fair to the film the puppet is rather good. Considering how poor the masks and effects were in the first Winnie the Pooh film, it's impressive how far they have come. It’s easily the most expensive thing in the entire film. Whilst the film lacks any star power (the second Winnie the Pooh film at least had Simon Callow), the film has the voice of Freddy Kruger himself Robert Englund as the voice of Cricket.
There absolutely no way I would have gone to see this in the cinema had I had the choice. There were two walkouts which is the first time that has happened for a while and normally I would think to myself that they left too soon, I completely understood why they walked out of this because unless you were aware of the other films then you would think this was the worst thing you had seen. As I have seen the other films then I thought that this was the best film in the series although that is a very low bar to clear. The Pinocchio puppet was very good and some of the deaths were good but the acting was generally poor but these films are fun enough to get through and it is quite amusing to see a cinematic universe made out of beloved children’s characters that have been turned into horrific monsters.
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